Create in me a clean heart

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I have an issue. My issue is that I don’t like to admit I have issues. Can we ever truly grow without addressing the issues that hold us back? Why would we not fix something that separates us from God, our family, our friends and the full life that God wants for us? We struggle with repentance! It’s not even a word we like using in our daily conversations. Our sin separates us from God. Our sin holds us back from growing more Christ like. Our sin causes damage to our relationships in life. Our sin causes damage to those we love. Our sin causes damage to us. The sooner we can address our sin and grow closer to the image of Christ, the better it is for everyone. Our growth away from our sin most importantly glorifies our God.

Repentance is the first step. It’s a hard one! The first step to change is usually hard. It’s hard for me to say that “right now I’m going to change my eating habits to a healthy lifestyle”. It’s hard to get out of the chair and go to the gym. Repentance is where we decide that we have been wrong, acknowledge that we have been wrong and plead with God to help us change our ways! David does a better job than I could write on what this should look like. Psalms 51 is a beautiful example of a desire to change and pleading for the strength and the help to do it! We can’t do it alone. God wants us to change and is ready for us to ask him to help! Hallelujah, we need Him. If we can remember that, we are already on the right path!!

“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment. Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you. Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. Do good to Zion in your good pleasure; build up the walls of Jerusalem; then will you delight in right sacrifices, in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings; then bulls will be offered on your altar.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭51:1-19‬ ‭ESV‬‬

On our way

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It’s been 6 months of study, prep, meetings and shots……..can’t forget about the shots. I had to get 5 shots and take an oral vaccination. I don’t really mind shots but the price hurt way more than the shots. The good news is that I can travel the world much easier, so let’s go!

Anyway, as the nurse was giving me my shots, I started a conversation with her. Just the normal exchange of pleasantries in the beginning but then it took a turn. A turn that I was excited about at the time and a little floored, because I was convicted of some of my own issues. This RN was probably mid 30’s, very well spoken, well dressed, well traveled, well mannered, extremely friendly and a practicing Muslim. She said there are usually only three reasons that Americans travel to Uganda: safari, mission trips and service projects that are not church related. I told her mine is a mission trip and I explained how God intends to work through us and the ALARM team those 11 days. She asked about my faith and I asked some questions about hers. She already had the basic grasp about the essentials of my faith. As she was preparing one of the shots I said that I would be happier when all these shots are finished. She looked me straight in the eyes and said “Wasn’t your God pierced on a cross for you?”. My first reaction was that I was speechless….. That doesn’t normally happed to me. I felt like she stared straight through my eyes and into my soul with the stains of my brokenness lit up like neon sign. She wasn’t judgmental, she was just pointing out a flaw in my way of thinking, in a nice way. I was convicted and I apologized to her for not correctly representing or honoring my relationship with my Savior and His sacrifice.

As I am writing this, I am over halfway over the Atlantic Ocean on my way to Brussels and then on to Entebbe. It’s quiet, I think. I have noise canceling earbuds in with my “Worship” playlist cranked to drown out as much of the ride noise as I can. I slept for about an hour and now I’m just reflecting on the prep for this trip and how I am 46 years old and I think one day I will just magically stop procrastinating and doing important items last minute.

If you know me at all you have probably heard me grumble on about how Jesus didn’t call us to come sit in church. He called us to go! Go out into the world and tell everyone about Him! He calls us to live our lives as close to His as we possibly can. We can’t live like him but through His power and redemption, he wants us to strive for that goal.

How dare I complain about a few shots when my sin put Jesus on that cross? These shots are even to keep me healthy, not to harm me at all. Jesus kept his eyes focused on The Father and only did His will. He always started with prayer and reflection to keep in line with Gods perfect will.

It’s not that often that I get 30 hours to reflect and pray. I have even been complaining about the long trip but again, it’s been a blessing to me and my spiritual and emotional well being. My trip began when I said yes. It’s time to go out and be the Church!

Matthew 28:16-20

Time to Go!

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Those of you who know me well, are aware that I get really excited about helping equip other leaders. I’ve had people spend hours upon hours pouring their wisdom and knowledge into me to develop my ability to lead and to develop other leaders. I’ve worked for organizations that have sent me around the country to help hone my leadership ability and spend tens of thousands of dollars doing it. I’ve embraced the ability that God has gifted me to lead and to develop others. I have been able to use my ability in corporate and consulting settings on and off for years now. However I get a genuine thrill in using my gifting to develop God’s Kingdom! Whether it be one on one or in group settings, this is where I feel empowered and needed.

My calling in ministry has been to help Him equip and develop leaders and teams to be prepared to grow His kingdom. So far, it has been something that I could do without leaving the country. I have developed friends and contacts globally through technology and of course have been involved in the local Church in the Charleston area and the Tampa area. I have never been “called” to go on a foreign mission trip. Well that has changed this year. For those of who don’t know, we have been attending Baylife Church in Brandon Florida for about 2 ½ years now. We have developed a strong core community here. Earlier this year I was approached about joining a very small mission team to go to Uganda. My first reaction was that I have close friends, which have become my family, who do great things in Uganda so if I was supposed to go it would be with them. A week or so later I got the details of the trip and immediately I knew that it was my time to step out of my comfort zone and go to Uganda in June and July. This trip is another step in the path that God has been leading me on for years.

I now have the opportunity to travel to Uganda and help train and teach a large group of African pastors. The trip is through Baylife and is partnering with ALARM. This area of Africa has had decades of war, famine, genocide and great humanitarian need. ALARM is an acronym for African Leadership and Reconciliation Ministry and they are doing just that! They are developing leaders and bringing the churches of east Africa together to function as The Church. You can check out their ministry here https://alarm-inc.org/

So, I leave at the end of June and I am desperately seeking your prayers! Our team will be teaching 50-60 pastors and we are diligently preparing to fulfill God’s Will. We are asking for prayers of obedience, direction, protection and an open heart so that we may be available for God to work through us in this ministry. I would love to know that I can count on your for prayer, so please reach out and send me an email rusty408@gmail.com so that I can keep you up to date personally on the preparation progress and also update you throughout the trip. This isn’t a call to help fund my trip, I will be covering the cost of my travel. However, part of our fundraising is to help subsidize the many African pastor’s travel costs for their week of training. If you would like to read more about my trip through Baylife or if you would like to help fund the travel expenses for the local leaders and pastors, you can follow this link https://fcsmnstry.io/2k/0jcs7L

Thanks for taking the time to read my long thoughts! Check back regularly here, I will be updating the blog to help keep everyone informed and to share the truly miraculous events that God has in store for this adventure!

Acts 1:7-8

No way…I can’t do that.

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When my daughter was a toddler she was extremely scared of the vacuum cleaner. She was so scared that if we didn’t want her wandering out of the room, we could place the vacuum in the middle of the hallway. She wouldn’t even go to that side of the room. We used it like a baby gate for almost 6 months. I remember thinking that it was really cute that she was afraid of something that most adults don’t even think about as something to be feared. I say most adults because there is a small population of people with Zuigerphobia, or the fear of vacuum cleaners. While most of us think that the fear of a vacuum cleaner is ridiculous, it is a real concern for some small kids, pets and adults. We all have something that causes us fear.

In my daughter’s case, we exploited a fear that she had for her own safety (as well as some laziness on my part). We were able to keep her contained to the room that we were in without having to do the toddler chase every few minutes. However, if Angela or I were vacuuming and we left it close to something that she wanted, it became an obstacle that hindered her progress. Myself, I don’t like snakes or lightning. I have had more than my share of very close calls with both. So it may not be an irrational fear but it is still a fear. It is a fear that sometimes keeps me from doing things that I need or want to do. And yes, I know there are probably a few more injuries and fatalities from snakes and lightning. So my fear probably works in my favor for my safety.

I have a few more fears that do impede my growth and success. There are times that I know what I need to do, God has laid something on my heart and have to get it done now. The problem is that I don’t like to ask for help. Ok I really, really dislike asking for help. My fear is that people will see me as weak and incapable. My pride is keeping me from things even as I write this. I really didn’t want to tell you that I have any fear, so this is actually part of my growth. I get up some mornings and know for a fact, 100% that I know what and how I am supposed to do something. As I get ready for my day, the “voices” in my ear are telling me “you’re an idiot, you can’t do that”, “you aren’t capable of that” and my favorite one of all “that is way, way beyond what you could ever think of being successful at”.

The good news is that I don’t have to fear anything! Jesus is with me always. God loves us and wants us to live with a spirit of power and love, not of fear. (1 Timothy 1:7) God tells us time and time again in His Word that we are not supposed to live in fear. The Lord is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1.  As a kid you know that your father is able to defend and protect you from anyone or anything. That may not have been the case, but when God has your back you have nothing to worry about! Yes I still have fear, and I believe that we will have fears as long as we are here on this earth. The good news is as my faith in Him grows, my fears lessen and I know God loves me and wants the very best for me!

1 John 4:18

If I asked you who you are

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If I asked you who you are, how would you answer? Are you defined by your profession? Are you single or married? Are you a wife, husband, mother or father? Are you defined by your hobby or activities? Are you a sports fanatic, a hunter, a cook, a writer or a gardener? Are you short or tall? Blonde or brunette? Christian, Muslim or atheist? The list goes on and on. The answer can be some, all or none of these things, but that is not who you are. Too often we are defined and identified by things in our life that are only a small part of who we are. In our highly “technologically” connected society, we are sometimes known more for what we are against than who we are. Our political affiliations, our heritage, our afflictions, our issues and our opinions are all more visible to others than the person that we are. We wear these like a badge, ready to debate and hate when the opportunity arises. We should take a stand on things that affect us and we can control, but we cannot let them define who we are.

I have to love everyone and accept the fact that some people are going to disagree with me on almost everything. I also have to remember that I can still love them even if we disagree. Social media and the news media have polarized us into thinking that everything needs to be a fight. I have fought enough over stupid things in my life and I am over that. I still may disagree and offer an opposing viewpoint because honest discussion and debate are still valuable tools for growth. I can’t place my identity in any of these things. If they identify me then I lose who I am! My identity comes from one place, that I am a child of God. Jesus never said we would have it easy. In fact he said we would be persecuted and face many trials. God loves us too much to leave us as we are. He will continue to grow us into who we need to be, but my true identity was established long ago on a cross.

1 John 3:1-3

Love them??

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I can think back over my life and make a list of 3 or 4 people that I never would like to see again. I am at the point in my life where I no longer wish for them to burst into flames. I just would not like to be reminded of the situations that caused these feelings. I forgave them years ago and I wish them well. However, do I love them? Wait a minute, love them, do I have to? Forgiving was fairly easy over time. Forgetting is more difficult. Loving them would take more grace than I alone have. Most of these people live 400 or more miles away from me, so I don’t have to deal with them on a regular basis. What about people that we deal with daily? Maybe there is someone at work that we just don’t see eye to eye with. We all have a neighbor that we could live without. There is a grumpy, rude, unpleasant individual that works at store where I buy lunch. I don’t really have anything to forgive these types for but, do I love these people?

In Matthew 5:43-44 Jesus says to love them and pray for them! Ok, now I have to love them and pray for them? Not just the people we don’t want to be around, but our enemies also. Just for the record Jesus doesn’t mean that we pray for their brakes to fail or anything like that. But wait….there is more. Proverbs 25: 21-22 says that I have to feed and give my enemies water. Now I have to feed him and give them water also? We not only have to do this but we have to do this with a pure heart. We have to want to do it. Wait for it….there is more! Leviticus 19:18 says some stuff about not seeking revenge or holding a grudge. OK, so we have to forgive them, love them, pray for them, feed them, give them water and do this without holding a grudge???? And we have to do this because we want to not because we have to????

No problem (sarcasm)! I said earlier that loving them would take more grace than I had alone. I need to pray for myself also. Pray that my own pride, resentment, selfish issues be moved out of the way or better yet taken away. I will never do this perfectly. I’m so thankful that God forgives me, loves me, talks with me, feeds me, gives me water, doesn’t seek revenge, doesn’t hold a grudge and does it all because he wants to!

John 15:12

Love Had to be Patient

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Our relationships through life are a huge part of who we are. Usually, we don’t consciously think about what we are learning from them. We spend our lives around people and that creates our environment. We are a product of our environment. Everything from our mannerisms to our interests are usually influenced by the people around us. We respond to situations and make decisions based on how we have seen others do the same. We have emotions and feelings when we are born; the people around us are the ones that teach us how to deal with them. We can be taught the proper way of reacting to our emotions or to allow them to do harm to ourselves or others. Also we can miss the benefit that they can bring to us and the people around us.

I can’t imagine going through life without being loved and loving others. I’m one of the lucky ones. I have people in my life that love me and taught me to love. My parents, grandparents, sister, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends all showed me how to love in their own unique way. Today most of those people are still teaching me how to love and are joined by my wife, kids and new friends. God showed me His love long before I was ever born by saving me from myself! Love is a divine gift that we benefit from. 1 Corinthians defines love in verses 13:4-7. My mother is one of the most unselfish, loving, kind hearted people I have ever met! If you used God’s definition of love as a check list for my mom…….

Love is patient

Love is kind  

Love is not jealous

Is not proud

Is not conceited

Does not act foolishly

Is not selfish

Is not easily provoked to anger

Keeps no record of wrongs

Takes no pleasure in unrighteousness

Rejoices in the truth; love bears all things

Believes all things

Hopes all things

Endures all things.

She doesn’t miss one on the list! I think she has those written down someplace and refers to it frequently. She shows me how awesome it is to be loved and to love others. She takes care of everyone in the family without hesitation or complaint. She has taken care of me, disciplined me, supported me, cried with me and laughed with me. She is beautiful inside and out. She puts everyone ahead of herself and always has. My mother is a constant in my life. We live 440 miles apart and only see each other in person 2 maybe 3 times a year, but I know she loves me and is there for me. Sorry I was and still am a hardheaded boy. Thank you for all you have done and continue to do for me and everyone else. Most of all, thanks for loving me and showing me how to love others! Love you!

1 Corinthians 13:4-7    Psalms 22:6

Why didn’t I see that before?

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I’ve been attending church since I was born. My grandmother made sure that the 6 grand-kids were in church…..even if she had to take us herself! I was raised Southern Baptist. Like any good Southern Baptist I was in Sunday school very regularly. I have heard all of the standard, more popular Bible stories at least 1 time a year for the first 13 years of my life. You know the “well known” Old Testament stuff like Adam and Eve, Noah, David and Goliath and Moses leading his people out of Egypt. I know the stories very well. Those are just stories that are historical or metaphorical. At least I thought that is all they are…….

A few years ago Angela was teaching the 3 and 4 year olds on Sundays at church. On Saturday nights she would go over the lesson to prepare for the next day. She would read it out loud and I would usually listen because she is so animated, that she makes it fun. Not to mention she is really cute also.  Anyway as she would read these stories, I would almost always see some kind of symbolism or alternate reason for the story. Something that I hadn’t seen before was revealed regularly!  I began to see how things would point to our Savior or the need for Him. I had been avoiding some of these stories or glancing through them because I knew them already. Was I having these revelations because I was more “educated” scripturally? Was I more mature in my relationship with Christ so I could see things that I wasn’t ready to see before? Was it because the Bible is God’s living word, and that is how God talks to me? Or was it because I was finally paying attention? The answer is yes! Yes, to all of those questions.

There are some things that a 9-year-old just isn’t ready to understand. The Bible is full of things that this 41-year-old isn’t ready to understand! My desire to have communication with God has caused me to pay more attention to His Word! It has been a blessing to reread some of these stories. The Bible is God’s inerrant, living word. As we mature and go through different seasons in our life, He will speak into our lives through His Word. Do yourself a favor, go back and reread the story of Adam and Eve (Genesis 2 & 3). Before you do, go someplace quiet, ask God to reveal more to you, more than you have already seen, as much as you are ready to see. Do this whenever you read His Word. I promise that you will see something that you have never seen before.

2 Timothy 3:16

Truth is…….

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My mom has 2 sisters and 1 brother. She is the 2nd youngest of the siblings. My grandparents were married over 50 years before my grandfather passed away (right at 60, I believe). I have 1 sister and 4 cousins. So there was always a good size crowd at family dinners or holidays. We were a close family. I am the oldest grandchild by 2 years. Then 3 were born in August of the same year. There must have been a cold winter or a long power outage or a bunch of rain in Florida 9 months before then! Anyway, then a few years later the last 2 were born. The 6 cousins got along OK most of the time. There were 3 boys and 3 girls, so the teams were even. However, like most kids there was always a little mischief. Things got broken, feelings got hurt, explosions, small fires, and people got tied up and left behind the barn…you know, little things. Like most kids, the other 5 never knew anything when they were interrogated by the adults. I on the other hand would go ahead and give it up, and usually in great detail. The problem was that I was usually the “most guilty”. I just didn’t like there to be any lingering consequences. I would rather face the punishment at the time and move on. Admirable quality, right? I mean aren’t we supposed to tell the truth? Friends and family actually valued my opinion because I gave them the truth, at least my perspective of the truth. I could have open and honest discussions with people. If I had an issue or disagreement with someone, I could go to them and tell them how I felt and listened to their concerns and we went back about our business.

As I got older and entered adulthood, I noticed that things didn’t seem to work the same way. Somehow the virtue of speaking the truth was not as celebrated as it was when I was younger?!? I must disclose that I sometimes tend to be a wee-bit harsh. To be honest the harshness comes from holding back the truth too long and the crack in my filter bursts and then it all spills out. When I worked at Skinner’s, there was a saying that everyone used “Truth over Harmony”. Everyone used it but only a few meant it! The senior leadership meant it, but not all of the middle management. People would ask a question and when they got the truth, they wanted the harmony part. Differences of opinion, disagreements and issues are going to arise in our lives. We are going to be asked our opinion on subjects and we owe it to them to give them the truth. If we water down, filter or sugar coat the truth too much, we are doing a huge disservice to that person. It is OK to disagree. It is OK to not like someone’s idea. It’s ok to let someone know that they aren’t doing a good job at something. We are supposed to love and respect each other. Respect them enough to tell them the truth and love them enough to do it appropriately! Have the conversation that needs to happen. They may not be happy at the moment, but it is far better to not have doubt or hostility hanging over the situation. Doubt, fear, hostility and awkwardness can be imprisoning! The truth will set you free.

God loved us enough to tell us the truth. He let us know that we are lying, self-centered, prideful sinners. We were imprisoned in our own filth. He sent his Son to save us. And that is THE TRUTH that we all have to tell!

John 3:16-21

per·spec·tive

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  \pər-ˈspek-tiv\   noun

   a :  the interrelation in which a subject or its parts are mentally viewed <places the issues in proper perspective>; also :  point of view

   b :  the capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance <trying to maintain my perspective

Some of the things that I avoided when I was younger have turned out to be things that I celebrate and cherish now. One of those is diversity in people. I love being around people of different ages, backgrounds, races, upbringings, vocations, politics, nationalities and even religions.

All of us view life through different lenses. Our differences start with the fact that we are all unique, one of a kind, God created individuals. So this means not one of us sees anything through our “life lens” exactly the same way. No two lenses are the same from the beginning. Then we add a different layer or option to the lens for each uncontrollable variable in life; social, economic, environmental, geographic, genetic….etc. Life experience, either positive or negative, can polish or scratch our lens. We also have to include our choices in the mix. Some people want to see the world brightly so they may opt for the yellow tint, others choose a grey tint and yes I am sure a few will ask for an abstract pattern lens.

How can we expect anyone to view anything the same as we do? If we constantly allow our emotions to cause a division, then we will never be able to value perspectives different from ours. This is not to say that every perspective is correct. There is value in discussion and disagreement! We can have convictions, opinions and can even be completely correct on a subject but we also need to be open minded enough to hear another perspective. Growth happens through this type of interaction. I can still love and value people even when we don’t agree. Our recent culture tends prevent relationships from flourishing when perspective is misaligned.

Do yourself a favor and take the time to view the world through as many different lenses as possible. You don’t have to compromise your values and convictions, but it will give insight into how others view the world. Remember that there is a story behind every “lens”, stories of great joy, great struggle, heartbreak, triumph, ignorance and wisdom.

Revelation 7:9-17